30 August 2009

Ask and Ye Shall Receive, To Some Extent

My statcounter hasn’t been that amusing lately, not that I blame you personally; lots of people just search for my name or reverberate hills, though occasionally I get “reverberant hills” which always surprises me slightly since I’m so used to the original. Take it up with Mr Shakespeare.

My titles get me in trouble sometimes. After I used “Guys Gone Wild” I got a lot of hits from people who were, I fear, disappointed that they ended up with my entry on San Francisco Opera’s last Don Giovanni. But Godspeed, fellas, and good luck on your valiant quest to find those elusive pictures of drunken shirtless frat boys somewhere on the Internet.

I still get quite a few for Go, Lovely Rose, which I used for an entry on Rachel Portman’s operatic version of The Little Prince. I assume these are mostly from students, since they often take the form of “Go Lovely Rose meaning.” To which I have to say – you’re kidding, right? If you can’t figure out what that poem means, you should be out getting your heart broken before you try to read any more poetry. But that’s the problem with teaching literature – most students don’t really understand it at the age when they’re required to read it. You just hope they remember it’s there when they need it later on.

I assume The Bonesetter’s Daughter is now on reading lists as well, since sometimes people just type in what is obviously the teacher’s thought-provoking question. You’d think they would at least rephrase it to shorten what they have to type. The latest was “Who is the antagonist in The Bonesetter’s Daughter?” Well, I guess that would be me, or possibly M. C-.

Narwhal searches show up frequently – apparently there is a paucity of Internet sites featuring narwhals! – and I’m sorry, but I still don’t have any recipes for them. As for the person searching for “the narwhal bacons at midnight, meaning,” I hate to keep apologizing, but I’m sorry, I just don’t think I can help you, even if you switch bacons for either beckons or beacons. Though maybe it really does mean bacons, and as I said, I’m sorry – no recipes, though I imagine anything you use for walrus would also work.

UPDATE: OK, today (August 31) I had a hit for "narwhal kills Aquaman." Cool! When I was young, the only superhero I liked was Aquaman, mostly because he got to live underwater. I also liked that he wore a cool green-and-gold uniform, rather than the usual red, white, and blue. Having him killed by a narwhal just makes a good thing better!

My translation of Hypocrite lecteur – mon semblable – mon frère! continues to be semi-popular, but I’m embarrassed to say I can’t find it now. Yeah, I'm lazy, but it's been that kind of day – I swept the front yard only to have it covered in leaves once again by the time I finished, I did piles of laundry and immediately started filling the laundry basket again, I did the dishes and already more are piled in the sink. So I'll just figure repeating translations is part of the Sisyphean upkeep life requires: Hypocrite reader, my likeness/reflection, my brother!

Now write the rest of the term paper yourself.

I can offer answers to the person who searched for “Pace, pace mio Dio Chinese meaning,” thanks to consultation with my vast international pool of experts (muchas gracias to Mr G/S Y):

If we take the English meaning as “God, please grant me peace,” then the equivalent in Mandarin could be:

Shang-Tian (the Sky/the Heavens), Qing (Please) Tsi Wo (Give Me) He Ping (the Peace)

Now good luck with that audition.

To the searcher for “Nathan Gunn biceps” – oh, can we just call them Nathan’s guns? – I’m sure he has them, but I really don’t have any other information. I also do not have “naked/shirtless pics” of Gunn, Dimitri Hvorostovsky, David Adam Moore, Brandon Jovanovich, or any one of a number of other comely tenors and baritones – but check out this site, I think he can help you.

As for the person who searched for “shirtless Mickey Rooney,” well, I can’t help you, and you may actually be beyond help.


Sibyl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jolene said...

Hi Patrick - your post made me giggle.

I get the oddest searches too - just for today, I got "french prostitutes" (maybe due to a passing mention of Les Mis?), "naked ballet" (I blame Stanton Welch's piece for the SF Ballet's New Works Festival for this one, his ballet titled, "Naked"), and the oh-so-popular "men in ballet tights".

Patrick J. Vaz said...

Hi Jolene,

I was going for giggles, so thanks!

Since I wrote a haiku about French prostitutes (well, "Parisian whores") I'm a little miffed I didn't get that one too.

Sometimes I can't figure out how my blog turned up for some of these things (well, "Mickey Rooney shirtless" is a good example).

I have to say "men in ballet tights" wouldn't have occurred to me, but it seems so obvious once you say it.

Confidential to Sybil, if you're reading this: I was sorry you deleted your comment. I was going to respond. The whole subject of teaching literature is interesting to me.

Unknown said...

One need not be a blogger, or have any idea what this search feature dillio is all about to enjoy this entry. Good one! :-)