09 February 2009

Haiku 40

My sandwich order
Ruined by Seller's Market
Ruining my day

Yes, it's a product placement haiku, but since it's negative I'm going to go with it, integrity intact. I don't know what got into me -- must be something in the air -- actually, I do know what got into me: an incredibly overpriced and bad sandwich. Is it that difficult to understand an on-line order that says "no mayonnaise/aioli"? So why am I getting a sandwich slathered with aioli that leaves a disgusting greasy aftertaste? I won't even start on the inadequate slice of ham, the almost total lack of fig in the ham-and-fig sandwich, and the undistinguished bread.

Yeah, I ate it. Due to time constraints I couldn't bring it back. And it was so small I figured it wouldn't matter. I was wrong. My stomach has been queasy ever since.

Don't even get me started on BART, our pathetic over-priced excuse for a transit system. Tonight was even more of a nightmare than usual.

I'm listening to some Elliott Carter to cheer myself up.

Here's another haiku that's less of a Twitter-style update:

And this is your life
Rattling phones and crowded rooms
And desktop clutter


Libby Fife said...

That sandwich haiku speaks to me...

Patrick J. Vaz said...

Well, it's basically about aesthetic discontent, and I'm sure you can relate. . ..

Civic Center said...

I don't know why that story amuses me no end. The fact that the aioli malefactors were called "Seller's Market" is even better since we're definitely in a Buyer's Market right now.

By the way, have you considered a My Issues with Frida haiku yet?

Patrick J. Vaz said...

Maybe you're amused because you saw me right after The Sandwich Incident and I bitched nonstop? While waving my perfect hair around?

I think the name Seller's Market is because they use local ingredients blah blah blah. In fairness to them, because I am of course always fair, I should say that they e-mailed me today with apologies and are going to get around to sending me a credit to use for something else they hope I will like better. Well, their pizza is good.

In the cruelest irony of all, that sandwich apparently doesn't normally have aioli -- they misread my instructions I guess (which were "no mayonnaise/aioli" and I think that's plenty clear) and thought I was requesting it.

Though maybe the cruelest irony is really that the sandwiches today (lunch meeting) all had mayonnaise on them too! What is wrong with people! I hung up the phone after placing the order and wondered if I should have specified all condiments on the side. Now I have the answer.

I think Frida will need to be one of my long (long long long) entries, so as usual it's a matter of time, as I slip ever farther behind. But maybe afterwards I'll be able to distill it all into a 17-syllable executive summary (enjoy the irony of the term in relation to Ms Kahlo).

Civic Center said...

Does Seller's Market read your blog? Or did you send them an indignant email?

Your perfect hair in the photos I took yesterday looks exquisite, framed by Matisse and Martin, and should be up on the internets sometime this evening. Write to me if the imagery is objectionable.

And after seeing Frida Kahlo business card holders in the gift shop at that "Frida" show you took me to, nothing surprises me anymore. Capitalism and communism have finally embraced and bleed to death a la Ms. Kahlo.

Patrick J. Vaz said...

Although I have literally dozens of readers, as far as I know Seller's Market is not among them -- I sent an indignant e-mail.

I am all eagerness to see my perfect hair. Expect your statcounter to go through the roof as I obsessively check.

I really should have bought one of the Frida business card holders. Not that I have any to hold. More for the general irony.