05 December 2006

More Shocking Christmas Confessions

This is really more in the nature of a tirade than a shameful confession. In fact, I will denounce with pride, and this is something of an annual ritual (just as beloved -- yes, my phrasing is ironic -- by those who know me as my annual careful explanation that the twelve days of Christmas do not end, but rather start, on Christmas Day, and actually end on Epiphany, the Feast of the Three Kings, which is why it’s also known as Twelfth Night). If you know me you know what’s coming: brace yourself for the Rudolph rant.

I hate, hate, hate and despise Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Let’s review the song, shall we?

1) Reindeer R. is different from the others and therefore openly mocked and ostracized on the playground and everywhere else.

2) Big Daddy Authority Figure Santa realizes he can exploit the freak for his corporate benefit.

3) The formerly hostile reindeer now realize it’s to their benefit to accept the outsider and they pretend nothing ever happened.

4) Most shameful of all: the craven accepts it! Instead of scorning all of them, possibly to stalk off and join some alternative solstice celebration that embraces individuality in a nurturing non-judgmental setting, the pathetic R. is now pleased that he can be exploited by authority and outwardly accepted by hypocrites.

Grow a pair, Rudolph. Die in the tundra. Wait for a Christmas Eve that isn’t foggy and see what happens.

Um, I’m going to my happy place to concentrate on breathing in and out, maybe have some fruitcake to calm down. Alcohol-soaked fruitcake.

4 comments:

Vicki said...

I have never seen Rudolph in quite the same way as you, though Christmas would not be Christmas without our beloved tradition of hearing why you hate Rudolph.

I'm not a big fan of the song myself, but I always saw myself as a sort of Rudolph. I spent much of childhood wondering when my peers were going to notice the good things about me, most of which, to me, seemed as obvious as a red shiny nose. I figured that when they finally noticed, they would embrace me and I would forgive them for their ignorance. None of this actually happened, but most everyone grew up, which I guess is the real life equivalent. I think it beats dying in the Tundra anyway.

pjwv said...

Interesting. Obviously I always saw myself as Rudolph also, only I would turn from them in proud scorn, not that I ever expected them to come to their senses. I'm certainly not saying that's better in any way than your fantasy. But you are more emotionally mature as well as more forgetful than I. I wouldn't say they grew up so much as they got older and the same thing took different form.

John Marcher said...

I have just shared this with yet another parent with the hope that she will share your truth with her children. Happy holidays!

Patrick J. Vaz said...

Waking up the world -- one child at a time!