S-H-U-T U-P

Several weeks ago I saw The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee at the Post Theater in SF. It's a really enjoyable show -- cleverly staged, poignant, funny; just far enough into caricature to be comical but quick to switch storylines before they get to be too much. So go see it and buy the cast album. I'm going to kvetch the rest of this post. I never get tired of theater but I frequently get tired of theater-going, and I was reminded of many reasons why when I was at this show.
Why does everything start at 8:00? Even in the middle of the week? Hours to kill beforehand, lengthy wait for the train afterwards, no arrival home till somewhere around midnight . . . only to have to be at work by 8:00 a.m. the next morning. Even half an hour earlier would make a difference.
What's with the tiny seats? Why people who are smaller than I am seem to take up more room, so that we spend hours watching elbows and knees?
Why are all musicals amplified? The Post is a tiny, tiny theater. I understand it has bad acoustics, but even so -- if your voice can't fill that theater, you should maybe reconsider a life on stage. It wouldn't hurt people to have to pay attention in order to hear.
Most egregious of all, what's with the talking in the audience? In decades of theater-going I have never heard anything remotely clever or interesting said by an audience member. For example, the guy behing me at this show, who kept telling his wife that he "knew how to spell that word." That's swell, but she can't hear you anyway -- she's busy unwrapping cellophane wrappers v e r y v e r y slowly, on the theory that if your prolong the noise it somehow lessens it.
This is just so I don't have to keep reviewing the audiences, which are almost always terrible. Later, I'll explain why I only watch movies on DVD. . . .
To end on a positive note (such is my wont): Being at the Post reminded me of June, the last time I was there, to see Bebe Neuwirth in Here Lies Jenny, which is a short musical made up of Kurt Weill songs, arranged to tell the story of a woman's life. I understand that some audiences didn't like it, expecting either Lilith from Cheers or, for the more theatrically sophisticated, a Chicago-style razzle-dazzler. It's neither, and I have to say the audience the night I was there was very attentive and responsive. I found the show very moving, but it's difficult to describe. It's the story of a woman who comes to grips with her difficult life experiences and emerges stronger and wiser. If you had told me beforehand that's what it was I would have said, No, thank you -- empowerment equals fakery. (Instead I was told, "You get to hear her sing 'Surabaya Johnny'!" which was enough for me.) But that's really what it's like, and it's very good. Go figure.